I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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