Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So. Much. Porn.
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