Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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