If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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