i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
