Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
