Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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