once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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