He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
