I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
