She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
