I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
