Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
