ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
