maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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