we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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