i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
