I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
