literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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