today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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