I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
