If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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