I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
