so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
