I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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