He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
