Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
