Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
