Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
