we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
