dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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