i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In other news, I just burned my penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
