I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
