He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
