I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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