Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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