am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
