The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
