Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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