awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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