Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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