I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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