i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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