When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
