Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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