He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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