So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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