somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
