i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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