he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He better not be in your backpack
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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