and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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