I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
