my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
