Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
