I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
