What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
