butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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