Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
