using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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