So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
