just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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