I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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