To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
