the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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