I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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