i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
