what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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