it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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