I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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