guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
