shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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