just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize