my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
