Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
