NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
