They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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