I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
