I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
