You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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