i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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